Monday, July 7, 2014

Funny Bone

MISSING REPORT




_________________________________





Who was that masked man?  Why, that's the
Lone Ranger
....




The Lone  Ranger and Tonto went camping on the
 prairie. After
they got  their tent all set up, both
 men fell sound
asleep.

 Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger
and
 says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?

 The
Lone Ranger replies, "I  see millions of stars."

 "What that
tell you?" Tonto asked.

 The Lone Ranger ponders for a moment
then  says,
 "Astronomically speaking it tells me there
are
 millions of  galaxies and potentially billions
of
 planets. Astrologically, it  tells me that Saturn
is
 in Leo. Time wise,it appears to be  approximately
a
 quarter past three in the morning.  Theologically,
 it's
evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are
 small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we
 will have  a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell
 you?

 Tonto is silent for a moment, then
says, "Kemo Sabe,
 you dumber than buffalo shit, someone has
stolen
 tent!

A. L. T. Funny Bone web
page



Published  6/9/05   ALT  MSN Group (Defunct)
Web Page: Funny Bone



__________________________

Laughter is the best medicine

JOKEBOX LINKS

















4 comments:

  1. Subject: Abbott & Costello
    E-mailed By: MSollosa


    .AOLPlainTextBody {
    FONT-SIZE: 12px; MARGIN: 0px; COLOR: #000; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, Sans-Serif; BACKGROUND-COLOR: #fff
    }
    AOLPlainTextBody PRE {
    FONT-SIZE: 9pt
    }
    AOLInlineAttachment {
    MARGIN: 10px
    }
    AOLAttachmentHeader {
    BACKGROUND: #f9f9f9; BORDER-BOTTOM: #e9eaeb 2px solid
    }
    AOLAttachmentHeader .Title {
    PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 10px; BACKGROUND: #e9eaeb; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1px; FONT: bold 11px Tahoma; COLOR: #666666; PADDING-TOP: 3px
    }
    AOLAttachmentHeader .FieldLabel {
    PADDING-RIGHT: 10px; PADDING-LEFT: 9px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 1px; FONT: bold 11px Tahoma; COLOR: #666666; PADDING-TOP: 1px
    }
    AOLAttachmentHeader .FieldValue {
    FONT: 11px Tahoma; COLOR: #333333
    }






    You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and
    Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this.
    For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on .

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    If Bud Abbott
    and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?"
    might have turned out something like this:


    COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A
    COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store.  Can I
    help you?

    COSTELLO: Thanks.  I'm setting up an office in my den and
    I'm thinking about buying a computer.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: No,
    the name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: Your computer?

    COSTELLO: I don't own a
    computer.  I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: I told
    you, my name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: What about Windows?

    COSTELLO:
    Why?  Will it get stuffy in here?

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer
    with Windows?

    COSTELLO: I don't know.  What will I see when I look
    at the windows?

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

    COSTELLO: Never mind the
    windows. I need a computer and software.

    ABBOTT: Software for Windows?


    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
    proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

    ABBOTT:
    Office.

    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office.  Can you recommend anything?


    ABBOTT: I just did.

    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOTT:
    Recommend something.

    COSTELLO: You recommended something?


    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOTT: Yes.


    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT:
    Office.

    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

    ABBOTT: I recommend Office
    with Windows.

    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's
    just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I
    need?

    ABBOTT: Word.

    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: Word in
    Office.

    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT: The
    Word in Office for Windows.

    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?


    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

    COSTELLO:
    I'm

    ReplyDelete
  2. WOMEN VS. MEN
     
    This was long but enjoyable....laughs for the
    day


     
    st1\:* {
    BEHAVIOR: url(#ieooui)
    }


    @font-face {
    font-family: Monotype Corsiva;
    }
    @page Section1 {size: 8.5in 11.0in; margin: 1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin: .5in; mso-footer-margin: .5in; mso-paper-source: 0; }
    P.MsoNormal {
    FONT-SIZE: 12pt; MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-parent: ""; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"
    }
    LI.MsoNormal {
    FONT-SIZE: 12pt; MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-parent: ""; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"
    }
    DIV.MsoNormal {
    FONT-SIZE: 12pt; MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; FONT-FAMILY: "Times New Roman"; mso-style-parent: ""; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"
    }
    DIV.Section1 {
    page: Section1
    }




    Adriana

     






    WOMAN'S PERFECT
    BREAKFAST


    She's
    sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. 

     

    Her son is on the cover of the
    Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her
    boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of
    the milk carton.

     

    WOMEN'S REVENGE
     
    "Cash, check or charge?" I
    asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled
    for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her
    purse.
    "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
    "No," she
    replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I
    figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him
    legally."

    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN


    (A MAN'S
    PERSPECTIVE)

                   
    I know I'm not goi

    ReplyDelete
  3. Elevator Humor 
     
    this is Donna BIG TIME
    lol 
     
    Click > http://www.toilette-humor.com/flash/brocolli.swf 
     
      

    ReplyDelete
  4. As far as I know, this has been around as far as I can remember ( I
    even posted it more than 25 years on the bulletin board).  I got it again
    via e-mail a few days ago.
     
    WHY I'M TIRED....

    For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not
    enough
    sunshine,  

    too much pressure from my job, earwax
    build-up, poor blood or anything else
    I could think of.

    But now I
    found out the real reason:  I'm tired because I'm overworked.

    Here's why:. . The population of this country is 273 million.
    140
    million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

    There are 85
    million in school. Which leaves 48 million to do the work.

    Of this there
    are 29 million employed by the federal government.
    Leaving 19 million to do
    the work.

    2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing
    Osama
    Bin-Laden.

    Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work
    Take
    from that total the 14.8 million people who work for state and city

    governments.

    And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
    At any
    given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

    Leaving 1,212,000 to do
    the work.
    Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

    That leaves just
    two people to do the work.
    You and me.

    And there you are sitting on
    your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.
    Nice.  Real
    nice.
     
     

    ReplyDelete