New Corporate Policies Employee

My Fellow American Voters:  Scary Kerry
will not only roll back the tax breaks for big corporation  if elected as
president but will have a profound impact to all its employees.  Who are
they? They are US, poor pitiful us.  CEOs will have to
send the following memorandum....

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we
see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume that you are
doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress
poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer
clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are
right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAKS:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a SlimFast and take a diet
pill.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

RESTROOM USE:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a
strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a
picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on
the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

SURGERY:

As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not
consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed
constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed
elsewhere.

                  
THINK BEFORE YOU VOTE FOR SCARY KERRY

For A.L.T. Publication - Funny Bone web
page

Contributor: Beb's